Hey guys, okay so I’m not sure where this post is going to go, it is going to be quite wordy so I apologize now if wordy posts aren’t your thing but this is quite a personal topic I’m sure many can relate to. I really wanted to save this topic to talk about in a YouTube video but after recently coming across a post on this topic it inspired me to write one too about my views and experiences with friendship.
A shoulder to cry on? A human diary? A soul mate? Someone you can do everything with? Someone you can trust? Someone who respects you? Someone who understands you? Someone who never leaves you out? Someone who you think your life would be different without if they didn’t exist?
In reality it’s a lot more complicating than everlasting connections…
Since an early age I have never really had any luck with friends, I was bullied often in primary school for silly stuff and I was a quite child, I guess I could say I’ve always been a bit of an introvert who seems to attract extroverts as friends. I was always the quite, shy one but I would try to be loud to fit in however I was and still can be easily intimidated… I always end up pushed to the side or unnoticed. I’m pretty much the friend that will be on her own when everyone gets into pairs and there’s an odd number in the friendship group or that one that walks behind when going up stairs. I’ve sometimes felt like nobody likes me, like I’m an outcast…
I did have one really great friend, we’re still in touch but she moved to Australia when we were in year 5 and after that my friendships went down hill, I guess I just never really spoke up for myself much, I was in friendship groups but it didn’t feel like I belonged in them. When starting high school I was excited but nervous for a change, I made friends but was still best friends with two girls from primary school who I eventually drifted from. They were extroverts, outgoing, loud and super bubbly but I never really came out my shell and when I tried to it was just to fit in so I was never really comfortable.
They say that blood is thicker than water, in my case that isn’t true. I’ve always felt like a possession more than a member of my family, I’m expected to be a certain way and do certain things and follow certain rules but that isn’t me and only in the past year or 2 have I learned to follow my passions no matter what the situation is. If I’d known this previously who knows what I could’ve done, maybe I would have got my way with choosing something as small as dance for my GCSE option and become passionate about dance, I was lucky to have changed from computing to music and I’m still glad I did because music has been something I’ve become really passionate about. I can’t really be myself around my family so I’ve always been attached to friends easily but my friendships have always usually been temporary as friendships are at a young age but it really bothered me because of how attached I became to a friend. They were never really fall outs, just people moving on to better friends and me being pushed out of the picture I guess.
Healthy, Happy friendships create happier and healthier people.
I always look back on the past, I could say I dwell a little too much but I know I just have to keep going and better things will come to me. In the final two years of high school I went from having about 15 friends to 2 and 1 outside of school so I pretty much had 3 friends. And as usual what did I do? blame myself… Maybe I was difficult? a burden on those I opened up to but I never felt like I belonged to that group. Me and the other 2 girls had our own little group and they have to be the greatest friends I’ve had in a long time, they’ve helped me through so much yet still at times I’ve pushed them away, not to cause them upset but because I felt undeserving of them or like a burden. I’ve been hesitant to open up about things that I’m confused about myself but they were still there to listen no matter what.
I’ve always felt like I’ve had to prove myself to people, from past experiences if I’m upset about something then happy about it another day the next time I’m really upset about it I’ve felt like I come across as over reacting or attention seeking which is the last thing I want to come across as and that’s when I began building up my walls again, from the fear of being misunderstood and even then it didn’t end well, I’ve always struggled emotionally due to various things and whilst dealing with it and trying to understand it I’ve always felt if I’m not opening up to those I’m supposed to be closest to then I’m being a terrible person which isn’t the case but that’s how I’ve seen it, like some sort of obligation to share my problems. Sometimes opening up can be a really good idea, it’s never good to bottle everything up but if someone really doesn’t want to open up about something they shouldn’t feel bad about it or be hard on themselves…
Anyway I’m going a little off topic now but basically friendships have always been something I’ve thought a lot about and taken quite seriously even though I haven’t exactly had great experiences with them. However recently doing the NCS challenge has given me hope, I’ve become so close to people within 3 weeks that I’ve never known before. Things as small as being able to tell them about my YouTube channel that I couldn’t tell people I’d known for 5 years about. They were interested in me and my passions and what I like to do and without realizing it their friendship has meant a lot. I’m now a lot less nervous to start college, I’m less nervous about fitting in or being accepted, I feel like a new person, I can really be myself and I guess maybe I’m a little more confident than I was before. I’ve met some amazing people and I hope our friendships last a long time.
Oh and shoutout to Joe and Ehsaan and Olivia because it makes them happy haha!!
Also our NCS group has started up a campaign to raise awareness in the bury community about the lack of activities for 13-17 year olds, It would mean a lot if you lovely followers and readers checked out our social media pages and followed/liked them!
Please check out the social media! Thank you for reading!
Good friends are hard to find, Harder to leave and Impossible to forget.
Quality over Quantity.